How We Learn to Self-Medicate
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In many recovery spaces—such as AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) or NA (Narcotics Anonymous)—a significant portion of members report having experienced abuse in childhood, whether physical, emotional, or sexual. While the exact percentage varies across studies, research consistently shows that childhood abuse is a strong risk factor for later substance use disorders.
One of the most important studies in this area is the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study, which revealed that early adverse experiences—such as abuse, neglect, or chronic household dysfunction—are strongly linked to physical and mental health problems in adulthood. These problems often contribute to premature death, and substance abuse is one of the most common outcomes, alongside smoking, obesity, and chronic disease.
Why Validation Matters
In this context, I’ve been reflecting on the role of validation—the act of acknowledging another person’s emotions and experiences as real and understandable.
Validation doesn’t mean you agree with everything the person says or does; it means you recognize the legitimacy of their feelings.
For example:
If a friend is crying because his dog recently died, you might say, “I can see you’re really sad,” or “You’re really missing Buster.”
The focus is first on acknowledging the pain—not jumping immediately into advice or problem-solving.
Childhood Examples of Validation and Invalidation
Imagine a little girl falls and scrapes her knee:
Validating response: “Oh no, you fell. Let me take a look,” or “I see you’re hurt—it’s going to be okay.”
Invalidating response: “Stop crying,” “I told you not to run,” or “This is what happens when you misbehave.”
In healthy families, children learn that their emotions are natural and acceptable. In dysfunctional or abusive families, invalidation becomes a repeated pattern—teaching children that their feelings (especially negative ones) shouldn’t be expressed. Over time, they may stop acknowledging their emotions altogether.
How Invalidation Leads to Self-Medication
When children grow up learning to suppress feelings like sadness, anger, shame, boredom, or loneliness, they often look for ways to numb or avoid those emotions.
This is where alcohol and drugs can come in:
Short-term effect: Substances may provide temporary relief and distraction from unpleasant feelings.
Long-term effect: Emotional discomfort returns—often more intensely—leading to a repeated cycle of use.
This self-medication cycle can quickly escalate into dependence or addiction:
Emotional pain →
Substance use for relief →
Rebound of painful emotions →
Continued or increased substance use.
Breaking the Cycle
Recognizing the link between childhood invalidation and substance use is an important step in recovery. For many clients, treatment involves:
Learning to name and accept emotions without judgment.
Practicing healthy coping strategies that replace numbing behaviors.
Building relationships where feelings are validated and respected.
Recovery isn’t only about stopping substance use—it’s about learning to feel again, safely and fully.