Surviving the Holiday Trifecta
The dreaded season—the trifecta of joy: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s—is just around the corner. For many of us, this time of year is a mix of anxiety, anticipation, excitement, joy, and loneliness. We Americans tend to overeat, overdrink, overparty, overspend, and overextend ourselves until we’re more susceptible to both physical and emotional illness. Alcohol is everywhere, and it has a way of amplifying our emotions—positive or negative. I don’t have data to prove it, but I’d wager more relationships unravel during this stretch than at any other time of year, with arguments and resentments often fueled by alcohol.
It is also the annual celebration of the family. And at the center of many family relationships (arguably all relationships) lies ambivalence: annoyance and solace, guilt and love, responsibility and resentment, the wish to escape mixed with the wish to feel close. If you’re fortunate and your family dynamic is only mildly dysfunctional, holidays can be comforting—sharing meals, catching up, and feeling the safety of being with “your people.” For others, holidays can be reminders of why you left home in the first place. Old grudges and long-standing resentments rise to the surface, making every gathering an exercise in emotional control.
For those of us who are single in New York City, the season can feel even heavier—loneliness, a sense of loss, a reminder that your family is too far away (physically or emotionally) or too fractured for a gathering. Divorce, death, or estrangement can make the holidays especially blue, shining a harsh light on one’s singularity.
And if you have a history of depression or substance use, the challenges are even heavier. Drinking more during the holidays is common, but it can quickly tip into worsening depression. That’s why AA and NA meetings often run around the clock from Thanksgiving through New Year’s. Add the lack of daylight, endless parties, and mandatory cheer, and it’s no wonder this season can push people into despair. The cycle is predictable: feeling low, drinking or using to cope or to feel social, crashing the next day, and starting all over again.
So what helps? Honestly, nothing revolutionary. It’s common sense, but common sense is exactly what we forget when the pressure is on:
Moderate your use of alcohol and drugs.
Talk to friends or family if you feel isolated or your mood starts to dip.
Pick up the phone—call, text, use social media—whatever keeps you connected.
Move your body. Go for a walk, run, yoga class, or pull up a YouTube video.
Let people know you don’t have plans. Friends, colleagues—someone will include you.
Try a Meetup or an online community. Connection doesn’t have to be traditional.
Volunteer. Shelters and organizations always need help this time of year.
Step into a church service. Even if you’re not religious, the music and ritual can be grounding.
Take a trip if you can swing it—sometimes distance really does help.
Above all, lower your expectations. Holidays don’t have to be Instagram worthy. They don’t have to look like anyone else’s life. Create your own rituals, even if it’s just for this year. Maybe it’s about giving instead of receiving. Maybe it’s about doing less, not more. Maybe it’s about simply getting through intact.
The holidays can be overwhelming, but they’re also temporary. They come, they go, and they come again. If you can meet the season with self-compassion, realistic expectations, and a plan to stay connected, you’ll get through it. And sometimes, getting through is more than enough.